It’s a shame that the scene largely grew out of incorporating song and movie quotes into their ultra-long song titles. Schitt’s Creek would have given bands a treasure trove of references to draw from. That’s not going to stop us from musing about it, though.
Here are 10 Schitt’s Creek quotes that would make perfect emo song titles.
“I’m not above a naughty night of debauchery.” –Moira Rose
We’re not entirely sure that Panic! At The Disco didn’t already use this one on A Fever You Can’t Sweat Out. Jokes aside, leave it to Moira to hit us with the exact brand of lighthearted pretentiousness that lends itself so perfectly to emo theatricality. This song would need to have a snazzy beat and brazen lyrics.
“If those bunnies feel exploited, even a little bit, I am pulling the plug.” –Ted Mullens
Is anyone else getting flashbacks to Patrick Stump in Cobra Starship‘s “Send My Love To The Dance Floor I’ll See You In Hell (Hey Mister DJ)” music video? Or is it more reminiscent of AFI‘s “Miss Murder” video set? It turns out bunnies abound in emo culture. Perhaps we genuinely do have to worry about their exploitation…
“Be careful, John, lest you suffer vertigo from the dizzying heights of your moral ground.” –Moira Rose
Have you ever heard a quote with more eloquent aggression? This is the exact brand of high-class sass we’d expect to hear from the likes of From First To Last or My Chemical Romance. All standing displays of Moira’s vocal talents aside, we really missed out on her straying into post-hardcore territory. She would have killed it without a doubt.
“Funky is a neon T-shirt you buy at an airport gift shop next to a bejeweled iPhone case.” –David Rose
This one really makes us miss the days when song titles were far removed from any semblance of the lyrics or mood. This quote would have felt right at home in a 2000s Fall Out Boy or New Found Glory tracklisting. Why did all of this Schitt’s Creek gold have to come a decade too late?
“I would hardly call myself an expert on this subject, and by subject, I mean genuine human emotion. So, I am just going to tell you what I know.” –David Rose
Cue David with the honesty. If this quote doesn’t sum up the stunted sentiments that characterize 2000s emo culture, we don’t know what would. Looking back, we’re a little disappointed that Schitt’s Creek never showed us a glimpse of his life during the era. While we know flashbacks weren’t well suited to the show’s style, a photo revealing dyed hair and eyeliner would’ve sufficed.
“Pick up a hammer and nail this coffin shut!” –Moira Rose
This particular display of Moira’s characteristic brand of witty melodrama (like most) was in response to the trials brought about by the family’s move to Schitt’s Creek. But it would totally work in the context of a failed relationship or any self-pitying themes brought by way of emo lyricism. It works because it’s dark as hell and cheeky to boot.
“I’m wearing my maroon plaid hoodie, and I’m feeling very uncomfortable.” –Stevie Budd
We’re not sure that a text with this exact phrase wasn’t sent at least once among the Warped Tour crowd. It makes sense, given that Stevie seems generally representative of the alternative scene in just about every way. No lie, this one would have felt right at home on Forever The Sickest Kids‘ self-titled album.
“This town is very Screamnastic.” –Johnny Rose
What does Schitt’s Creek broadly embody if not the “I hate this town” mentality ever-present in the emo/pop-punk scene? Granted, Johnny uttered this quote as he attempted to pull a Screamnastics franchise into the town. “What’s Screamnastics?” You may wonder. Well, it seems to be a lifestyle approach that incorporates something called scream therapy… Sounds pretty familiar, huh?
“And when you pull [the knife] out of my back, you can plunge it into my heart.” –Moira Rose
There’s something very Taking Back Sunday about this vivid imagery. If this list is teaching us anything, it’s that Moira is totally the most emo of all the Schitt’s Creek characters. What does that say about the subculture? Nothing new, really. We already knew that we have a flair for the dark and dramatic.
“I am suffering romantically right now.” –David Rose
Simple but effective, this iconic David quote could sum up the vast majority of preexisting emo songs. If you actually came to this list trying to scout some ideas for track titles, let this be the one you decide on. It reads so matter-of-factly and would provide a hilarious contrast to any nuanced displays of sentimentality. It gives us some real Modern Baseball vibes, for sure.
Which Schitt’s Creek quotes would you most like to see used as emo song titles? Let us know in the comments!